Monday, February 6, 2017
Fool me once...
It's the day after the Super Bowl and everybody is talking about the commercials. Well, everybody in my little echo chamber.
I'm here to talk about a spot that you didn't see. And a system that has most assuredly taken ten years off my life.
Allow me to back up the story a bit.
Two months ago I was brought in by a small agency to pitch Super Bowl spots to GNC. It was typical jump ball situation as GNC had no real AOR. We were given two days -- two days at a highly reduced rate mind you -- to crack the brand and come up with a bunch of Super Bowl-worthy spots.
It gets even stupider, because throughout the two days we "checked in" with one of the clients. That's always fun, because client-driven spots are always the ones at the top of the USA Admeter. It's as sure as the Bowling Green Massacre.
Long story short, our spots were not chosen. That's the good news.
The agency that won the golden opportunity then spent the next two months of their lives slaving over weekends and cold Pad Thai Noodles to hastily craft their masterpiece. You can see it here.
That's right, it's another yawn-fest manifesto. I could've save them a lot of heartache and pulled one of these from my drawer of sleepy dog-earred corporate manifestos.
The reason you didn't notice that spot during the Big Game -- not that you would have remembered it anyway -- is because the NFL objected to some of the dietary supplements sold at GNC stores. Supplements that are on the NFL's banned list of substances.
So, you see, it's a good thing we didn't win the fakakta jump ball situation. Because no matter what we produced -- and god knows that would've been painful -- it wasn't going to ever get on the air during the Super Bowl.
Add this war story to my other Super Bowl fiasco and it's pretty clear I'm never going to see any of my work aired during the big game. And that's fine, as long as the check clears I get just as much satisfaction writing invisible banner ads for the local colonics clinic.